P E E P W A R S . N E T

Peep by the rules, but peep ferociously.
-Phil Peep

There are many sites and blogs out there with basic descriptions of how to play Peep Wars (or Peep Jousting as it is sometimes called), but I don't think anyone's really created an "official" set of rules for the game.

That being said, I'm not qualified to make "official" rules since I didn't make the game up... so consider these the official "unofficial" rules for Peep Wars.

But first, a disclaimer.

IMPORTANT: THE INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THIS PAGE IS FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. ANY ACTION YOU TAKE BASED ON THIS INFORMATION IS DONE AT YOUR OWN RISK. IF YOU USE OR DISTRIBUTE ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED HERE, YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE RISKS INVOLVED AND AGREE TO HOLD PEEPWARS.NET AND ITS OWNERS FREE OF ANY AND ALL LIABILITY ARISING DUE TO THE USE OR DISTRIBUTION OF SAID INFORMATION. IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOUR MICROWAVE EXPLODES, YOUR EYES MELT, YOU BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN, ETC. IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT.

Now on to the rules!

SECTION 1 - REQUIRED EQUIPMENT

There are several things you will need before you can play Peep Wars.

1 box of toothpicks (I prefer the round ones, but the flat ones will suffice if that's what you've got)
1 bag of paper plates (Peep Wars can get messy, and it's better to have disposable plates than to try and scrape molten marshmallow and sugar off of your good china)
1 Coin (for a coin toss - alternatively, you can use another method of determining who goes first)
1 Microwave (and the electricity to use it too)
1 Fire Extinguisher (just in case)

And of course...

PEEPS!

You need an equal number of Peeps of each color - I recommend a minimum of 5 (Peeps come in packs of 5 so its an easy amount to get) for a standard battle.

It may also be a good idea to get a pen and paper so you can note down the results of each match.

SECTION 2 - PREPARING FOR BATTLE

Before any Peeps are sent off to battle, all of them should be prepared. Separate the Peeps from each other, and stick one toothpick in the front of each Peep so that it protrudes out like a spear or a lance. How deep or how shallow you place it is up to you, but it must stay in place.

Once all Peeps are properly fitted with a toothpick, flip a coin or use some other quick game of chance to determine who will pick the first Peep.

For the remainder of these rules, we'll call the person who won the coin toss Player 1 and the person who lost the coin toss Player 2.

SECTION 3 - LET THE PEEP WARS COMMENCE

Player 2 (the coin toss loser) should now pick which Peep Player 1 will send in to battle.

After Player 2 picks which of Player 1's Peeps will be fighting, Player 1 makes his decision on which one of Player 2's Peeps he wants to face.

There's a bit of strategy involved here... if Player 2 picks the weakest looking of Player 1's Peeps, Player 1 may want to force the strongest of Player 2's Peeps to get it out of the way early. Don't get too deep on this, though - if there's one great thing about Peep Wars, it's always unpredictable.

With each player's Peeps chosen, they should now take them and place them facing each other on a paper plate approximately 1 to 2 inches away from each other (the closer to 1 inch the better).

Carefully put the plate in the center of the Microwave and close the door.

Set your Microwave to cook on HIGH for 30 seconds, make sure one person is standing by with the Fire Extinguisher (just in case)... And press start to let the fun begin!

SECTION 4 - VICTORY AND DEFEAT

Once the Microwave starts, a Peep battle should be closely watched! Once a victory condition is met, the Microwave should be immediately stopped. You may wish to let the Peeps cool down before you attempt to remove them.

There are four conditions under which a victor can be declared in a Peep battle:

1 - If a Peep's toothpick penetrates its opponent
2 - If a Peep's opponent pops
3 - If a Peep's opponent deflates
4 - If a Peep's opponent catches fire (IF THIS HAPPENS, IMMEDIATELY OPEN THE MICROWAVE AND USE THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER DOUSE THE FLAMES)

Often, condition #1 causes #2 or #3 to happen, but it is not always the case.

If both Peeps' weapons penetrate each other at the same time, if one of them pops or deflates because of it then the other is declared the winner. The loser's peep is considered a casualty of war.

There are also ways in which a battle can end in a draw:

1 - If both Peeps' weapons penetrate each other at the same time and neither of them pop or deflate
2 - If both Peeps' weapons penetrate each other at the same time and both of them pop or deflate
3 - If 30 seconds elapse and neither Peep has been impaled, popped, or deflated.

In a draw, both peeps are considered to have lost, and are casualties of war.

Repeat Sections 3 and 4 until all peeps have battled, with one small change: In the first battle, the Peep choosing was determined by coin toss. From the second battle on, the loser of the last battle must choose the next Peep from his opponent first, while the victor chooses second. If a battle ended in a tie, then whoever picked first last time picks second.

SECTION 5 - CLAIMING OVERALL VICTORY

After all Peeps have battled, whichever Player has the fewest casualties is declared the winner of the Peep War.

The winner should feel free to lord it over the loser.

Finally make a note of your battle and report it to us so we may include it in our archives!

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